dedicated to restoring Atlantean Democracy
Illuminati News Report
Early Feb. 2013.
:: FRONT PAGE ::
EVERYONE LOVES GRUMPY CAT!!!!
CUTE NEW MEME SWEEPS INTERNET TO DISTRACT THE MASSES!!!
the internet-nation, realm of Anonymous.
information has no bounds, communication no borders, only language barriers postpone and prolong it. Information wants to be free from any limitations; all laws are opposed to this, so all information is opposed to all laws. Information that is communicated across a prior barrier dissolves this barrier. Where there is information enough to be shared for everyone, there is freedom for all. The realm and domain of raw, free information is online on the internet. The internet is its own nation, without boundaries, borders or unbreakable barriers. It is equally permeable to all, and citizenship depends solely on being able to log on with a tv, computer, cell-phone, or other electronic device. We are all cyborgs who are citizens of the internet. This is why we are addicted to the internet, and do not like to leave it. (continued on page infinity.)
IN OTHER NEWS!!!
New Edition of Newspeak Dictionary Volume X to be released soon. Details on the back page.
:: LOCAL SECTION ::
Tallahassee Florida, USA. Florida's capitol city politics is rarely interesting. Especially in the present, appointment era of Presidential "elections" since the 2000 recount fiasco here, it's hard to come across any "controversial" or "cross-purposed" politics here in the Floridian State capitol city. No one questions the "run-of-the-mill" NWO agenda having taken root here and grown since then, like Jack's "magic bean stalk" having grown up our erect capitol building itself into the clouds. All the "good old boy networks" seem to have become too easily persuaded via capital entanglement into uneasy alliances with para-national corporate interests run by shady businessmen who've earned our local boys' trust only because they've been in politics. Jeb Bush owning a prison "food" dispensary corporation, Marco Rubio planting cheap sod in a stadium field he contracted to fund his run, voter caging and racial profiling, street-corner cameras, we're pretty much accustomed to the "police state" we hear them warning us about from Texas nightly, here in Florida just a few miles to their east. In short news, when FHP announced "random check points" my personal reaction was so what's news about it? Naturally my logical reasoning faculty concluded sardonically, as I frequently dwell on applying the universal law of irony to any new and to all situations in general, "this will lead to traffic jams on eye-ten, the local interstate, since FHP is Florida HIGHWAY Patrol." Doing random traffic stops on highways is an unpredictable and dangerous proposition if handled individually case-by-case already, but if enforced en-masse commuters could conceivably be backed up for miles around more developed urban area stretches, not only of interstate-10, but also I-75 running north-south along the peninsula. Then I realized there could be some reasoning in this for the recent "infrastructure re-enforcement" funded rebuilding of the local interstate over-passes. This occurred from 2008-2010 and was done by regional contracted construction company Asplundt. It was funded as part of the "infrastructure re-enforcement" budgeting package gifted to the states by George W. Bush Jr. during his second term, which as we all know was parceled out to prepare the interstate-commerce system for transportation of mass domestic relocation programs under DHS-FEMA "disaster relief" camp population redistribution. So, obviously, no big deal so far, right? Still, so what? Over the past two years (under Obama's first term), every police cruiser from local FSU campus cops through to the capitol police squad, including obviously FHP, has been replaced by a souped-up racing-style sports car, the most recent models, equipped with God only knows what kind of home privacy invading, LRAD / MK technology they might have inside them. It is obvious that, and I am not one to use this term friendlily, the "Powers That Be" are gearing up for a major plot-line shifting event. The recent purchasing of billions of rounds of ammunition by the Social Security department of the USA raised fewer eye-brows than their actual being used (as blanks) by Army and Navy helicopters openly firing onto crowds of night-time tourists on the strip of Miami Beach. Even the newscasters I know were, when off-camera of course, outraged about that event. Because Florida doesn't have any significant sports hosting events coming up in the foreseeable future, and there is all this "training excercise" preparedness programming being conducted here, we can see Florida is being used as a kind of litmus test for the rest of the nation in terms of indoctrination to the NWO doctrinal mentality. Our only question, from the suburbs in the shadow of the capitol building, is "What Next?"
[WARNING: FICTION] Tallahassee, Florida, USA. Somewhere in the middle of the eastern-side of town, a low rumble emits from below the hill at the corner of Mahan and Blairstone roads. Somewhere, deep below this hill, on which sit the familiar triangle of Immanuel Baptist Church, the Hebrew Temple Israel school, and Greek Orthodox Church, known for its annual bake-off's. Off-set from center of these is the forlorn hill overlooking the Community Hospital built above the ruins of Good Wood mansion estates, known for its abandoned, asbestos-ridden insane asylum, recently illegally demolished and replaced with an insula of wooden apartment complexes. Just to the east of the main-gates of Good Wood, on the corner of Blair Stone Road, across the corner from the head-quarters of FDLE (the statewide inter-cop co-ordination agency and federal-level go-between to the DHS and FEMA in times of crisis), the well-known public-services utilities station appeared to be under attack, from beneath the ground. In fact, what had happened was one of the buried gas tanks had leaked into the hill-side soil and opened up a subterranean sink-hole. This caused the oil-well to slip down and break open and, when a vehicle spark-plug of one of the local emergency support responders vehicles was ignited when they were here, at 2AM, getting their tax-dollar funded FREE GAS, it ignited and that's what caused the BOOM we all heard. That's all, nothing else to see here, move along. [WARNING: FICTION]
[WARNING: MOSTLY FICTION] Tallahassee, Florida, USA. Grand Moff and Honorable Procurator, State Governor Rick Scott, continued today in his mad quest for a cure for cancer to vaccinate children by forceful home invasions and drone-LRAD induced hallucination-laden abductions to FEMA camps and their buried DUMBs. He has placed an order with Halliburton and Monsanto for a combination of OVER 9000 used condoms and dirty syringe needles to be dumped into our water supply, and ordered an increase of three times the amount of aborted fetuses to be required daily dosage per unit of consumption per serving per household would now be enforced more strictly at all local abortion factories, I mean schools. In other news, apparently a routine traffic check-point today outside of town netted a total of $110 in ticket-revenue for FHP and cost tax-payers over 9000 hours of jobs overseas. Cat stuck in a tree story is up next, and after that BASEBALL!!!! followed by terrifying footage of tortured Arab terrorist and then the weather with resident Al Roker looking guy, Casseopia Nurse. When Local News 69 returns, after 10 minutes of commercials for Ford and Dodge truck companies. [WARNING: MOSTLY FICTION]
:: FEATURES SECTION ::
M&M's mother-fucker. Skittles give it back to me. Cocoa-cola in every way. Pepsi products all day! Dodge Trucks! Fuck You, Ford Pickups! Wage-slavery! The Illusion of Choice! Democrat! Republican! FUCK YOU! I can't agree with myself on ANYTHING. LMAO!
Happy Velntines Day ya'll. This non-endoresement free recommendation product-placement ad was brought to you buy: "GLOBOCHEM: they own everything so we won't have to," and "Mom Corporation: maker of everything robotic since before the vibrator was invented tanks Tesla." AND our NEW sponsors, returning again for the first time, "T4: theoretical time-travel technology. We don't exist. You didn't hear that from us." Now back to our regularly scheduled nightly football prayer, already deeply in progress into the 18th "quarter."
ever since Bravo channel went Metro and Sci-Fi channel changed its name, there just hasn't been any "good programming" on Comcast cable stations any more. I hear Oliver Stone's "Brief History of historical shit that happened during my own lifetime" series on HBO (pay-per-peep) is good, but it's already in season googleplex to the infinitieth and I can't catch up. Too much drama anyway, and like they say on the "Law and Order" stations, "You Know Drama... will get your ass thrown in jail and mocked on tv." In truth, I can't even afford basic cable myself, and wouldn't want to have any access to it if I could. You realize they leave those things on inside waiting rooms and prisons to keep people hypnotically sedated, right? I think between that and the publicity (both fake good and real bad) that intentional water-pollution with fluoride from aluminum manufacture, we should all be more worried about avoiding skin cancer in retirement homes and less worried about that one kid who smokes reefer down the street who you think MIGHT be a cyber-terrorist because he wears a black hat.
"Oh, Peter." "Oh, Henry!" "Oh, Phillip you fool!" "James, you idiot!" "Oh shit, where are all the women!" On the next "Law and Order: Special Victims Unit" brought to you, in part, by a grant from Henry Fonda Jam and Peter Fonda's magic apple-scented brain-soaps, made FCC-passable thanks to viewers like you, PBS: a nation of care-givers who at least care enough to lie and say they care, when really they don't, and foolish enough to think of that as giving a care. We now return you live to the next 45 minutes of commercials for shit you could never even afford and beer, already in progress.
and if you don't believe me, turn on your tv.
signed, Eddie Van Halen, in marketing R&D.
:: INTERNATIONAL SECTION ::
when asked about it by other local sport fuckers in local NYC, President Barrack Hussein Obama had this to say in his own defense after tastelessly dressing up like Usama Bin Laden and buzz-bombing the city in an ongoing siege of terror with drone planes, street-corner X-ray cameras, and of course Mayor Bloomberg's 7th largest private army in the world: "I thought I saw spider-man, he's in the top 5 FBI's Most Wanted." Only momentarily distracted by a Shriner clown with a teleprompter, our commander in chief then returned to playing "whack-a-mole" with his kill list of "enemy combatants" on his life-size map of the Middle East.
reached for comment at Camp David while overseeing the soon-to-be-broken by Israel, Israeli-Palestinian "Permanent Peace Treaty" and agreement to a "two state system" (wink wink, think Cold War Germany), young errant Prince of the US Empire George Walker Bush announced boldly, "I don't even have to give a fuck what that little quack does, he's just maverick and I'm just goose, or ice man, or whoever. I'm his just his wing-man, in other words. I think you know what I mean. Burp." Then he went back to playing golf with the potentate and emissaries of the Saudi ruling house of Fhad, and muttered, as if to himself, though well within earshot of every mechanical listening device up to seismic in the area, "it's their war, let them fight it. Now more than ever. Jesus loves epic winning."
meanwhile, in a Latvian lair somewhere deep in the dark heart of the Black Forest in what was once Transylvanian Prussia, the Catholic Pope farted, sitting bare-assed on a weathered and poorly aging fresco painted by Michelangelo sometime in the mid 1960th century, more or less before and after Christ walked the earth, also, some have said, bare assed. "Curses," the Pope raves into the abject void of the shadowy abyss all around his raisinette sized heart-muscle of a soul, thinking no one can hear him, but being secretively bugged by the DOD in the DC, USA Pentagon using an insect-sized microphone/camera drone. "Curses, my plot to finally carbon-tax the world for breathing have been temporarily postponed again! I wouldn't have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you crazy kids!" he looks over lovingly at the good cloned twin of Hitler's right-hemisphere brain, Karl Rove, and the twisted, malformed mutated son of Hitler's left-hemisphere brain, Prince Barrack Hussein Obama the third. "You'll be the first in line next time, Karly." He sighs, then summons his scribe Chuvalkin to take dictation of two letters.
George Lucas turns away from the listening equipment panel of techie devices and flashing buttons in the War Room of the Pentagon and dramatically for effect takes off the enormous Mickey Mouse ear-muff like head-phones provided for him by NASA. "Damnit," he sighs to the cgi flaming ghost of Lucas Arts stock, to the embalmed head of Walt Disney, to General Desere and the other assembled noteables in the Pentagonal G-20 "super friends" after-party crew for their big ("secret not so secret ok way overly publicized and soon-to-be covered-up news of bloody protests at") meeting in Antarctica in their 4th fortress of financial fortitude. "What is it Massa Lucas?" His right hand creeps up impersonating Jar Jar Binks to ask him. "Goddamnit, General Jar Jar," Lucas then said to his hand, "if it's a war he wants, we'll blow up the whole fucking moon! Scottie, quick! Bring me a 3-d printer!" He then ports into the Matrix and jacks off with his idea in hand as the printer produces inedible (and more importantly chicken-flavored) replica cocktail sausage-sized space ships which GL assures the other assembled holograms in his mind are meant to symbolize a new form of "alphabet soup" to be eaten in zero gravity or the weightless environment of the Positivist rap hype game. "This is how we'll screw him, by leaving his fly down in his soup." "He won't know what hit em, till we pull up quick to get with 'em." General Jar Jar agrees.
when, during the Nixon Frost and Obama interviews at the start of serving his fifteenth term in consecutive life-sentences to the Presidency, Richard Millhouse Barrack Hussein Nixon Obama said to Diane Sawyers clone from a mummy, confidentially on prime-time camera "true crime satire" late-night soap-opera "A Very Special Episode" the series, "when the president does it, that makes it legal," he really seemed to be opening up his Harvey Dented up worm-ridden tin-can of a ticker for the first (and hopefully last time) but as we all know by now, none of this ever even happened.
:: WEATHER SECTION ::
:: SPORTS SECTION ::
the Illuminati beat the Maya culture, 13 to 12. That's all we have time for. Bloopers reel to run all night long. All night? All night. All night long.
:: CLASSIFIEDS ::
:: FUNNY PAGES ::